Premature ejaculation.
When it goes faster
than you’d like.
There’s no such thing as a “normal” length of time for sex. What matters is whether it bothers you, or both of you. Some people have had it for as long as they’ve been having sex; for others it developed later, for example in a new relationship or during a stressful period.
Often a pattern develops. You want to delay it, get tense, and that very tension makes it happen even faster. Then comes the shame, and next time you start with the brakes already on.
You might recognise:
Is it more about finding it hard to get aroused or hard to come? Take a look at arousal or orgasm. Does your erection play a part too? Read about erectile problems.
“Distracting yourself backfires. It’s by feeling more clearly what’s happening that you gain more control.”
Many people try to delay it by thinking about something else. But if you don’t feel your arousal, you won’t see the point of no return coming either. That’s why guidance focuses on the opposite: learning to recognise how your arousal builds, so you can adjust in time.
Control through feeling, not forcing. Premature ejaculation can often be trained, with exercises you do on your own first and later together if you like.
Learning to read your arousal
We practise recognising your arousal, for example on a scale from 1 to 10. That way you notice sooner when things are building up.
Practising slowing down
With well-known exercises, such as the stop-start method, you learn step by step to set the pace yourself. On your own first, then together if you like.
Including tension and your body
Breathing and muscle tension have a big influence. And if it only started recently, along with other symptoms? Then have your GP take a look too.
Practise on your own first, or together.
Many exercises start on your own. But because sex often happens together, your partner can play an important role too.
Starting on your own
Nice if you first want to practise calmly by yourself, without the pressure of someone else watching.
Together with your partner
Valuable if the disappointment or avoidance mainly plays out between you. Practising together often takes the shame away faster.
Ready to set
the pace yourself?
There’s no need to feel embarrassed about emailing about this. It’s one of the most common questions, and a few sentences is enough.
Email praktijk@deseksuoloog.nl no rush, promise