What can I help with?／Erectile problems

Erectile problems.

Sex therapy & guidance

An erection that doesn’t come, doesn’t last, or fades just when it matters. It happens to a great many people with a penis, even when you’re young and healthy. And however frustrating it is, it says nothing about how attractive you find your partner.

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When your body won’t do
what your mind wants.

An erection isn’t a switch you flip on or off. Stress, tiredness, alcohol, a new partner or simply a busy week: all sorts of things can get in the way. Once is usually not a problem. It gets tricky when, the next time, you’re already tense about whether it will work.

Sometimes there’s a physical side too. Erectile problems can be linked to, for example, blood vessels, diabetes or medication. That’s why it’s wise to have your GP take a look if the problems persist. Often body and mind both play a part.

You might recognise:

An erection that fades when putting on a condom or during penetration
An erection when masturbating, but not with a partner
Constantly checking whether it’s still there, instead of feeling
Avoiding sex out of fear it will go wrong again
Wondering whether a pill is the answer
A partner who wonders whether it’s because of them

Mostly recognise the pressure to perform? Then also read about insecurity or performance pressure. Coming too quickly instead? Take a look at premature ejaculation.

“An erection can’t be forced. The more closely you watch it, the faster it disappears.”

This is called performance anxiety, and it’s one of the most common reasons for erectile problems. Tension puts your body on alert, while an erection actually needs relaxation. Guidance helps you out of that circle: not by trying harder, but by taking the pressure off step by step.

How I work

Less checking, more feeling. There’s no trick that guarantees an erection. But there is an approach that lowers the tension and brings back trust in your body.

Taking body and mind seriously

Haven’t physical causes been looked at yet? Then your GP is a good first step. Medication can sometimes help, but doesn’t always take away the fear underneath. That’s what our conversations focus on.

Taking the pressure off

We often agree that penetration isn’t the goal for a while. That sounds contradictory, but without the “must”, your body gets room again.

Making sex broader

Sex is more than an erection. The more ways you have of enjoying yourselves, the less depends on one thing.

On your own or together

On your own or together, both are possible.

Erectile problems happen in your body, but they often affect your partner too.

Starting on your own

Nice if you first want to understand what’s happening, without your partner there straight away. Also if you’re single and mostly dreading the next time.

or

Together with your partner

Valuable because how you respond to each other makes a big difference. Disappointment, caution or even “it doesn’t matter” can unintentionally increase the tension.

Ready to let go
of the tension?

You don’t need to know exactly where it comes from first. A few sentences in an email is enough to start.

Email praktijk@deseksuoloog.nl just a conversation, not a test