Fantasies and kinks.
When you’re curious,
but also unsure.
Fantasies are a normal part of sexuality. They can be gentle or intense, surprising or confusing. And a fantasy isn’t an instruction: you can find something arousing without ever having to do it.
Sometimes you do want to explore something, such as role play, dominance and submission, or another kink. That’s when the questions come. How do I tell my partner? What if we want different things? And how do we do it in a way that feels safe for both of us?
You might recognise:
Mostly find the conversation itself difficult? Then also read about talking about sex.
“What turns you on doesn’t define who you are. It tells you something about your desire; it’s not a judgement of you.”
Fantasies are often about more than what you literally see. They can say something about a longing for excitement, surrender, attention or freedom. When you look at them without shame, you discover what you’re really looking for, and what you do or don’t want to do with it.
Curious, with clear boundaries. I don’t judge what you enjoy. But I do think along with you about how to explore it in a way that feels good.
Taking away the shame
A lot of shame comes from what you were taught growing up. We look at where it comes from, and whether it still fits you.
Finding the words
Together we look for ways to make your wishes and boundaries something you can talk about, even if your partner sees things differently.
Safe and consensual
Experimenting works best with clear agreements, boundaries you can express, and room to stop at any moment.
Good to know: are your fantasies about something that harms others or is against the law? Then I’ll help you find the right specialised help.
On your own first, or straight away together.
Some people first want to discover what they feel themselves. Others prefer to explore it together.
Starting on your own
Nice if you first want to work out for yourself what your fantasies mean and what you want to do with them, without anyone else’s reaction.
Together with your partner
Valuable if you want to discover something new together, or if you differ in what you enjoy and want to find a way through that together.
Ready to say it
out loud?
You don’t have to put your fantasy in your email straight away. “I’d like to talk about something” is enough.
Email praktijk@deseksuoloog.nl anything can be said here