Talking about sex.
When you can discuss anything
except this.
Many couples can talk about money, work and the kids, but clam up the moment it’s about sex. That’s not because the subject is less important. It’s because no one ever taught you how.
Most sex education was about safety, not about desire or pleasure. No wonder the words aren’t there by themselves when you need them.
You might recognise:
“The easiest opening line is often: ‘I find it hard to bring this up.'”
That little sentence does two things at once: it opens the conversation, and it makes you vulnerable straight away in a way that invites rather than accuses. Most people who clam up around this subject aren’t missing feelings. They’re only missing the first sentence.
Finding words, practising together. Talking about sex is a skill. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice, the right moment, and the right words.
From “you” to “I”
We practise sentences that start with your own feeling, instead of with what the other does wrong. That makes a conversation inviting instead of loaded.
Starting small
You don’t have to share your deepest thoughts right away. A small, safe conversation builds trust for a bigger conversation later.
Choosing the right moment
Not right after sex, not in the middle of an argument. Together we look at when and how a conversation does land.
First for yourself, or straight away together.
Finding words for what you feel is something you can do on your own. Saying them out loud, you usually do together.
Starting on your own
Nice if you first want to get clear about what you actually want to say, before starting the conversation with your partner.
Together with your partner
Then we practise on the spot, in a safe setting, with someone who can guide the conversation if it gets stuck.
Ready to find the first
sentence?
You don’t have to have this conversation alone. Sometimes it helps to first practise with me what you want to say.
Email praktijk@deseksuoloog.nl this conversation starts with a simple email