Vaginismus.
When your body
locks up.
With vaginismus, the muscles around the entrance of your vagina tense up by themselves as soon as something wants to go in: a penis, a finger, a tampon or a speculum at the doctor’s. It doesn’t happen consciously. So you can’t “just relax” either.
Some people have had it from the very first time. For others it develops later, for example after painful sex, an unpleasant experience or giving birth. Many people live with it for a long time before anyone recognises it. That makes it extra frustrating.
You might recognise:
Mostly pain, but penetration does work? Then also read about pain during sex.
“Your body isn’t doing anything wrong. It’s trying to protect you, just at a moment when that isn’t needed.”
Vaginismus is a protective reaction: your body expects pain and braces itself. You can’t push that reaction away with willpower, but you can unlearn it, step by step. With good guidance, many people are able to have sex without pain again, including penetration if they want to.
At your pace, with you in the driving seat. With vaginismus, pressure backfires. That’s why you decide every step, and we only move on when the previous step feels familiar.
Mind and muscles together
It often helps to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist as well. They focus on your muscles, I focus on the fear, your thoughts and your relationship. Together that usually works best.
Small steps, you decide
With calm exercises, on your own first, you get to know your body again. From touch on the outside to, if you want, going further step by step.
Sex is more than penetration
Intimacy can simply carry on in the meantime. By separating pleasure from penetration, part of the tension disappears.
Often on your own first, together later.
You usually take the first steps by yourself. Later, your partner can play an important role.
Starting on your own
Nice to get a grip on your body at your own pace, without anyone else there.
Together with your partner
Valuable because vaginismus often affects your partner too, in insecurity, guilt or caution. Together you rebuild the trust.
Ready for the first
small step?
You don’t need to be sure it’s vaginismus. In a first conversation we’ll work out together what’s going on.
Email praktijk@deseksuoloog.nl you set the pace